These Bitches Are Awful

AAIEEEEEHHHHHH! MY ENERGGGGYYYYYY!!!!


There needs to be shame in this game.


This is the old prostitution whore table flip pic, but for serious, is it a badly applied lacefront wig?

And I know she’s only a mean teen, but I think Ashley is the worst. Anyway, so the other night Bravo showed the eagerly awaited part 2 to the fashion show/country club/my Chinchilla mini-jacket from Paterson, New Jersey is waiting to kill you, Danielle, you BITCH! episode of The Real Housewives of New Jersey. And shit was effed up!

It was sort of everything you pray for in a gross reality show about plastic-faced, aging narcissists. You had broken heels, hair-pulling, screaming, running, big-haired women mourning the death of class, crazy women who go to “energists” taking refuge in Bentleys, really weird hairlines (what is going on with Teresa‘s hair? I won’t ask her personally because she’s from Paterson, did you know she was from Paterson?), snotty mean teens getting wet over discovering that becoming the villainess on a reality show is way better than being Homecoming Queen, and why being being called “honey” is better than being called “bitch.”

Anyway, I’m thinking that the producers have these tricks blow a couple of rails before having the Kim Twins wrangle their asses to the same events and then they let the fur, er, the extensions, fly.

And I know none of it is actually really “real.” Teresa knows that if she plants her Chinchilla mini-jacketed ass outside in the foyer waiting for Danielle to walk by so that the blood games can begin, she will surely get re-signed for next season. The two Kims know if they stage a fashion show, and play both sides, and have fuck hair (did you see the hair on Danielle’s primary Kim? What, did she let a train get run on her before the Posche show?), it could possibly result in becoming a main cast member next season. After all, they are out one Housewife! Hell, the Two Kims should get their own show! That Bethany slut over in NYC got hers and that show consisted of her raging at her mo’ wedding planner and shopping at Costco!

These women aren’t fools, they are business ladies, and they are getting theirs!

Danielle Staub seems to be the craziest, most paranoid middle-aged waspface ever to grace our screens, but she’s on the fast track to becoming a household name! Who else calls the cops when they break a heel and suddenly can not move or breathe after being yelled at after a country club (emphasis on “cunt”) fashion show? Perfection!

And that Ashley girl. Man, have you ever wanted to take off your evening glove, weight it with a brick, and smack a smug teen upside her nosejob? Ooo, Danielle and Teresa are just crazy, but this one is young and immature and thinks she’s Alexis Carrington. When in actuality, she’s attention-starved, sneer-faced imbecile trash (although, props for “un-beweave-able” – even her totally ineffectual mother smirked at that shit). When she was mouthing off to her parents at the end, I wanted her to experience Carrie’s mom, Joan Crawford, and the woman who drove her kids into the lake all at the same time. Can the guy who punched Snookie punch Ashley?

This show is actually so soul-deadening that it gives me chest pains after I watch it for too long. Considering all the bad press Joisee has gotten lately, how hasn’t there been a mass exodus? At this point I would lie and say I was from Cleveland.

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2 Responses to “These Bitches Are Awful”

  1. Massimo Says:

    But man, that shit was GREAT!! hahaha

    Like

  2. anita Says:

    only reason danielle freaked is b/c one of the staples holding back her face popped when her extensions got pulled.

    Like

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