Archive for the ‘Ass’ Category

The Scariest Picture I’ve Ever Seen: Tom Brady’s New Hairpiece

June 15, 2010
Um....

Um....

Do you-? I….not sure. Why would….can someone….? Maybe his wife….

We are NEVER going to win another Superbowl.

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Perez Hilton Is One Dumb Bitch

June 15, 2010
Please tell me someone punched him after this picture was taken.

Please tell me someone punched him after this picture was taken.

Anytime Karma twists its lips into a sneer and kicks Perez Hilton in the cooch (don’t make an argument that there’s a penis there, we all watched his sobbing Wil.i.am beat me up video), I consider going back to being Catholic and hauling ass to the nearest church to thank Jesus. Because he was dumb enough to allegedly Twitter a link to a photo of Miley Cyrus‘ vagina. And she’s 17. Which means she’s not of age. Which means it was illegal. Which means someone at the LA DA’s office with a particular dislike for his gross ass could pursue this in a court of law. Which means he could go to jail. Which means I could take over, be way (ok, a little) less irritating and ascend to that bitch’s throne. Oh, who am I kidding…it would totally be that slut over at DListed.

From Salon:

“We’re not talking about a misdemeanor,” attorney Jeffrey Douglas told the website. “You don’t have to know what the definition of the law is; all you have to do is knowingly distribute the photograph.”

On Monday night, Hilton posted a video — not a direct response to the photo link, mind you — in which he says that “it’s OK for Miley to be a little sexier, because she’s almost 18.” And on Tuesday afternoon he posted a link to a picture of Miley fully clothed, allegedly “proving” underwear was present because you can see it through her frock.

Which makes it so much more wholesome, as he’s trying to drill to see if a 17-year-old girl has panties on to prove his point. This is one dumb cow. And I don’t mean Miley. She’s a woodchuck. Miley is annoying me lately, but I hope she and her boyfriend father run with this and sue that tub.

Where do I sign the petition to make sure they prosecute him? Then again, this is LA. Lindsay Lohan could fucking behead a nun and throw it at Grauman’s Chinese Theatre while driving past in a stolen car and only catch some community service time which she would ignore.

Oh yeah, and I realize that I do the same thing as Perez does. But I think I’m at least a little more entertaining. And I don’t wear those clothes. Or that wig. Or those hats. Fuck, compared to him I should be receiving some sort of citation for bravery and the key to the city.

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Wrong Ass.

June 7, 2010

Uh, THIS is the cover to Scissor Sisters‘ upcoming album Night Work:

Ugh, enough with the scrawn...

Ugh, enough with the scrawn...

And I assume the ass belongs to this guy:

Jake Shears, lead singer of Scissor Sisters. Talented but scrawn.

Jake Shears, lead singer of Scissor Sisters. Talented but scrawn.

When in fact, the ass on said cover should belong to THIS guy:

Babydaddy....just...Babydaddy

Babydaddy....just...Babydaddy

Those pants. Christ, the injustice of it all. Does anyone else feel me on this one? I think a big beefy ass on the cover of Night Work would actually sell more copies as opposed to that…what the hell is that, two bagels in some stretch pants. FUCK THOSE BAGELS! Not literally.

Note: Scotty and I once passed Jake Shears on the street in NYC, and he was wearing this kinda full black overcoat that almost went down to his ankles and looked almost like a cross between a Clint Eastwood cowboy duster and something out of the Harkonnen collection from Dune but it was nice to know that he doesn’t wear the Star Wars slut outfits (wow, Jake Shears is TOTALLY influenced by outer space epics!) out all the time and cares about catching cold. He knows to protect the scrawn. Some people like that sort of thing. *sniff*

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