Archive for the ‘Dread Disease’ Category

“Hyperbole And A Half”: The Most Accurate Descriptions Of Depression I’ve Ever Read

May 9, 2013

Screen Shot 2013-05-09 at 3.32.19 PMI’m clinically depressed, and I also have an anxiety disorder. I’m not whining. Just saying. Had it for most of my life. It ain’t going away. Survivors of childhood cancer, gay men, and children of alcoholics are prime for this sort of thing, and I’m all three. Anyway, I’m fine. I take meds, and I talk to someone, and I stick around and try to stay on top of it. It’s kinda all you can ask of me. I’m resigned to the fact that it’s not going anywhere.

Two things that make it worse:

1) Guilt about it. “It makes me a pussy, it’s all just excuses on my part to not excel at life, I’m a coward, I’m weak, etc.”

2) Anger. If it had physical symptoms, I feel like it would have less of a stigma. I don’t talk about it much with friends cuz’ there have been times when I’ve felt looked down upon by them over it. So I shut up about it and keep making jokes.

This is Hyperbole and Half. She’s an artist/blogger who had an awesome blog of drawings that poked fun at life. Then she vanished. She came back with this. Holy shit. I don’t know what else to say. She knows me. I want everyone in my life who knows me to fucking read this because now you know me. Well, a big part of me. And even if you shrug and don’t believe it or understand it, it’s ok. At least I’ll know you know now and can never say you don’t.

Part 1.

Part 2.

Remind Me To Start Watching ‘House’ Regularly

July 22, 2010

Do drugs with us. Or get out. Here's your throwing knife.

What the devil is going on over at the House set? It sounds like a non-stop sadomasochistic cocainya disco party! I will say that a friend of a friend used to work in the costume department over there and claims Cuddy is totally seeing people next Tuesday with demands for flunkies to be available to tie her shoelaces. True story. Bend over like the rest of us do, hooker! TMZ is reporting that a former assistant prop master for the show named Carl Jones is suing producers and other people on the set over some CRAZY shit. He was fired in March.

In the suit, Jones claims he was harassed by two of his supervisors for refusing to engage in “visits to strip bars, participation in getting drunk, stoned or intoxicated on cocaine, to participate in sexual conduct at the trailer, and other dangerous conduct.”

Jones claims the supervisors would often refer to him — and other employees — as “fags, pussies, bitches, slaves, dummies, retards and idiots.”

Jones also claims one of his supervisors brought a gun to the set “several times”

Sounds like my last job. Carl also says there was knife-throwing on the set while drunk on tequila (Party! You know that Jennifer Morrison ho is good with a shank) and that his complaints to an executive producer were what got him blackballed and then fired. He says that this left him massively depressed and somehow physically injured. He is suing NBC Universal for a cool million. House’s masters are saying that the suit is “without merit.”

I always knew the dude from Dead Poets’ Society would slap me in the face with “fag!” and demand I blow some coke off a stripper’s hey nanny nanny if I ever partied with him. You know he’s got a freaky secret.

And if I may impart my view on House. I’ve watched the show a couple of times, and it’s entertaining. But if that twat with the cane started giving me sarcasm and shade when I was laying there dying? I would rise up and hit that bug-eyed slut in the face with my IV pole! Not cute.

Lindsay Lohan’s Booze Monitoring Anklet Went Drinkin’

June 9, 2010
Oh my god, you guys, I think my bracelet's totally drunk...

Oh my god, you guys, I think my bracelet's totally drunk...

A judge issued an arrest warrant for Lindsay Lohan yesterday since she was supposed to stay off the booze as part of her bail agreement for drunk driving charge #11,300.

Why the warrant? Well, her SCRAM bracelet reportedly went off after Lohan’s appearance in glittery jumpsuit at the MTV Movie Awards on Sunday night. It didn’t just go off. The thing drank all the liquor in Mom and Dad’s cabinet, puked in the begonias and took off with the car, crashing into a Dairy Mart and narrowly avoiding killing a Hostess display.

Most of us who are locked into a court-ordered alcohol-detecting jewelry piece are probably going to AVOID DRINKING ALCOHOL. You know, cuz’ of prison. But Lindsay Lohan decided “hey, I’m at an awards show…why does Katy Perry get to drink…fuck this…IMA DRINK!” *sigh*

Granted, who the hell could remain sober at the MTV Movie Awards? Kristen Stewart‘s mean muggin’ would drive anyone to hunker down with the nearest gas can of grain alcohol.

E! reports that the arrest warrant was called off when a bail bondsman put up $20,000 so that Lohan could remain a free boozebag. Btw, her bail was initially $10,000 but it got doubled on account of her being a fucking idiot.

The rolling wreck of a young actress(?) reportedly Tweeted that she had done nothing wrong. “Who do you believe, oshifer, me or some friggin’ *urp* techno-computer thing which is stiflin’ my career and my art? *hic* IT DOESN’T EVEN COME IN PINK! *drunken sob*”

Can she just pull it together and become a realtor at this point? There’s like two roads here…Eventual Overdose and Death St. or Sad Obscurity Ave. Oh sweetie, pick the one where you live! Buy a house there. Replant those begonias. LIVE!

Because if not, some greedy asshole is going to be sellin’ pics of you on a respirator. It happens.

Add to FacebookAdd to DiggAdd to Del.icio.usAdd to StumbleuponAdd to RedditAdd to BlinklistAdd to TwitterAdd to TechnoratiAdd to FurlAdd to Newsvine

Lady Gaga Doesn’t Have Lupus. And I Don’t Have Scurvy. And You Don’t Have Multiple Personality Disorder (That We Know Of)…

June 1, 2010
It's ok, you guys, I don't have Lupus. I'm just really tired.

It's ok, you guys, I don't have Lupus. I'm just really tired.

People with Lupus everywhere are quickly putting a hand flat against their chests and tearfully and dramatically exhaling over Lady Gaga revealing that she is not joining their numbers. Head Lupus sufferer Renee T. Crahbacher of Monroe, Ill. issued a statement today saying “It’s a great relief to the thousands of people suffering from Lupus across this great land of ours that Lady Gaga has managed to evade this serious disease. Despite the pain, the medication, the side effects, the worst part of having this dread disease was the thought that Lady Gaga might get it someday. I couldn’t bear that. I mean, those foil hats and quirky shoes. It would be too much, Too, too much.” Ms. Crahbacher died shortly after releasing this statement…her final words being “at least it wasn’t Lady Gaga dying today…*thunk*”

Yeah, so Gaga doesn’t have Lupus. But she’s very close, she could drop at any minute! Great. I’d much rather hear about why she’s issuing a throwaway single like “Alejandro” when “Teeth” is so much hotter.

ps and ohmygod: Everything I learned about Lupus (which I can’t remember what I learned) was from One Life To Live. Megan Gordon, Viki’s daughter, had Lupus and was dying from it, right? And her sweetie Jake was off being held as a POW in Jawa City. And Reverend Andy who was in love with her had to go to Jawa City and rescue the woman he loved’s true love and he was selfless and did it. And Jake got back just in time to show Megan the tree he had moved into the hospital yard. I guess it was some Valentine’s Day tree they had together and the guy just UPROOTED IT and plunked it down on the hospital lawn. Fuck you, hospital landscapers, it was a tearjerker! Oh, and Marty Saybrooke had Lupus, too, and she’s still a character on the show but she lost the Lupus storyline after her epic gang rape storyline. Now she’s a shrink and gets pushed down stairs while pregnant and loses baby. Tough break.

Megan looked like much less of a bitch when she was dying of Lupus.

Megan looked like much less of a bitch when she was dying of Lupus

Add to FacebookAdd to DiggAdd to Del.icio.usAdd to StumbleuponAdd to RedditAdd to BlinklistAdd to TwitterAdd to TechnoratiAdd to FurlAdd to Newsvine