Archive for the ‘Master of Delusion’ Category

Temp Diary, Final Day (1)

March 19, 2015

cupzfjZz.Em.156

The man in slush-dirtied Kenneth Cole knock-offs trudged through the industrial park. The Cup O’ Noodles clutched in his angry, defeated, ashamed, rueful hand followed. Or something to that Stephen King’s The Gunslinger series effect.

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Wherein I Return To My Blog And Answer Questions (Here You Go, Peppermint…)

November 7, 2010

This is what you get when you Google return. How hot were the clothes back then? That chick with the butterfly collar is choice.

Hi. Wow, I think I started receiving death threats. How hot is THAT? So I got a new gig and it involves me social media-ing, and blogging a lot and obviously I left this place abandoned like when a kidnapper has a basement girl and he gets killed and what a horrifying metaphor this is going to be so I’ll stop. Oh, and I decided to start off by answering all the questions left on my last entry (including the gross watch in the toilet one from Bill Cosby and fuck him for asking that cuz’ it’s known I think poop is gross). I would throw up the Unqualified picture but I can’t find the damn thing and I’m too lazy to go back and Save As that mess. I am seriously run down in the life, huh?

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In Celebration Of Robbie Williams’ “Marriage”

August 9, 2010

Not the bride...

I added those quotes because apparently everyone thinks Robbie is strictly dickly and doing that thing that flaming queens (shut up) do where they “kee kee” behind their hands at the delusion. Robbie Williams is gay?!? How did I miss this? I have long been a fan of the puppy-faced wacky depressed druggie British Lothario and I never once got a shiver of queer from him. What does this say about me? Do I NEED men to be straight so I keep my self-defeating run of crushing on straight morons intact? I need to get to a therapist when I’m denying hot guys are gay! I need to turn inward and explore this crevasse in my psyche.

Oh, so Robbie Williams married some actress named Ayda Field (sounds like a drag name…just sayin’) over the weekend and we give em’ about two months until he’s back at The Abbey in a baseball cap and sunglasses and looking for a right rogering in his arse area.

p.s. Here’s the video for “Rock DJ” which is my favorite Robbie song, and includes him flailing about in bikini briefs, and then skinning himself. Hot. The briefs I mean. What am I – Lorena from True Blood?

Lindsay Lohan Accepting Prison? (Out Second Lawyer)

July 20, 2010

How many balloons of cocaine CAN I fit in my vagine?

In a shocking twist, Lindsay Lohan seems to be accepting the fact that she’s about to be ensconced in a comfortable jail cell.

(Fact – It’s not like they will put this mess in solitary with a hole for toilette. She’ll have air conditioning for chrissakes. And a blanket. And she can probably get drugs more easily IN prison than outside it. I’ve seen OZ. They have em’ in condoms or balloons and people put them up themselves. I’m guessing she’s played that game before.)

Lohan brought Walt Disney into it on her Twitter. Eeeks.

the only “bookings” that i’m familiar with are Disney Films, never thought that i’d be “booking” into Jail… eeeks
about 9 hours ago via web

The last time this bitch was looked at by Disney was when she drove by Disneyland in Anaheim on a drug run.

Freckles may have come to the realization that she was definitely donning orange when her newest lawyer, famed O.J. legal eagle Robert Shapiro, rolled his eyes and left.

TMZ reports that Shapiro met with peoples’ hero Judge Marsha yesterday and informed her that he was audi. This is an easy point to make, but this dude represented a man who cut his ex-wife’s head off and killed a waiter as a bonus. Represented him to a “not guilty” verdict. After said psychopath led cops on a high-speed chase. And he couldn’t handle sitting with Lindsay Lohan at a long table for a couple of hours. Make of that what you will.

Stay tuned today to see if Lohan actually turns up at the pokey. Or if she sends Dina in leggins’, a wig and stage freckles.

Lindsay Lohan Out One Lawyer, Teaching Civics Now

July 9, 2010

Professor Lindsay.

This bitch here. Your Lindsay Lohan is a spoiled cunt update is now available for download. So Lohan’s lawyer got tired of all the leggings sweat, traces of cocaine cut with baby laxative, and crusts of psychotic delusion Lindsay would leave around the office and in her lawyer-type Escalade. So she has parted ways with her client. TMZ says that when they contacted Shawn Chapman Holley‘s office, she told their asses that she and Lindsay were over.

Lohan’s preferred method of communication (besides Twitter, god love her) is now nail sculpture. So maybe legal eagle Holley flashed her own fuckfinger at Lindsay with the digit-ized message of “get new counsel, crazy bitch” at her.

You know Lindsay’s Dad has already tried to contact her (throwing a note tied to a brick through her window) to offer his legal services.

And Lindsay apparently thinks that her civil rights are being violated because she’s being sent to prison. Bitch thinks she’s the Rosa Parks of lawfully prosecuted drunk-driving, multiple probation violating coke whores! Lindsay will NOT be sent to the back of the bus! She Twittered this mess this other night. There’s some other bullshit, too. I think her Twitter should be renamed #Some Other Bullshit.

It is clearly stated in Article 5 of the U.N. Universal Declaration of Human Rights that, “No one shall be subjected to torture or to cruel, inhuman or degrading treatment or punishment.”

There really is our world and then the glorious world in her head that caters solely to Lindsay Lohan, huh? In her world, there should be parades in support of her skank ass and the Miami Heat should be looking to sign her.