The man in slush-dirtied Kenneth Cole knock-offs trudged through the industrial park. The Cup O’ Noodles clutched in his angry, defeated, ashamed, rueful hand followed. Or something to that Stephen King’s The Gunslinger series effect.
Archive for the ‘This Ain't Over Til' I Get Paid’ Category
who was so annoying in The Day The Earth Stood Still that I wanted to reach through the TV and alarm DSS. The Smith family are always together on the red carpet, and the kids are always in edgy outfits despite being kids. I hate that. I had boogers at that age.
Will is one of those guys that there are gay rumors about but I tend to think he turns to dudes only because sex with Jada looks like it might be painful, like humping up on a large concrete hexagon. She just looks like she has a lot of edges. Ow.
When you’re 9 and fabulously wealthy, you get to cut hot singles in the studio about whipping your hair. It makes me a little uneasy. I don’t think a 9 year old should be whipping her hair about. I think I saw Morgan McMichaels showing a rotund housewife how to do that so she can reclaim the sexy fire in her life on Rupaul’s Drag U. Little girls don’t need to be anywhere near sexy fire. They need to wait until they’re at least 30. Doesn’t she have dolls? Why is someone auto-tuning a 9-year-old?
Imagine you’re the producer and you have to bow down to this little girl in the studio. “I want a sound like when unicorns booty dance. WHERE IS MY CAPRI SUN?”
What about Yo Gabba Gabba and blankies *sad face*? The lyrics sound fairly clean, but who at 9 has the drive to go running around with her little gal pals and giving face and acting like they are grown-up fierce ladies, and being the terror at the food court? Who am I kidding? They all do.
Also, her music has one up on her mom’s. Cause Jada is a big dykie Korn fan or some shit.
E! has the speculation this morning. Did wall-eyed fuck pony Hilton get so jealous of her former friend Leggins McEffYouNail’s recent infamy that she got pulled over on the Vegas strip on purpose? Her and the gentleman she is currently allowing in her nethers were rollin’ down the street, with weed smoke BILLOWING out of their car. After being yanked, Hilton asked the cop if she could go use the bathroom at the Wynn. He escorted her, at which time she asked for her bag back to get some lip chap (herpes sores need soothing) and she let a Ziplock fulla .8 grams of disco dust fly outta there.
Paris dialed up the obvious and said it was someone else’s bag, despite the presence of her credit cards in said bag. You know, the ones that had her name printed on them.
And I can see it. It’s not far-fetched. She and her dude were probably frantically sucking on joints to create enough of a smoke signal to attract law enforcement. How much weed do you have to smoke so that people can VISIBLY SEE THE CLOUD AS YOU ARE DRIVING PAST THEM? Did she step out of the car with dreds in?
So far, she’s free and clear because celebrities can sink an axe into the heads of babies and MAYBE get a ticket. They really are a class of people valued higher than the rest of us by the dreck that runs this world. Then again, E! and I propagate the mess by reporting on these people. I mean this E! report is basically just me speculating on that skank’s motivation, but with a nicer looking blog and better pay. It wasn’t a news story. So we’re actually worse than she is. If it makes everyone feel better, my life is a pit of shadows.
Hopefully this will backfire on her caricature ass and she ends up in jail for a long time. Actually eff that, hopefully she ends up in some serial killer’s dungeon and experiencing the table saw. Serial killers need to leave off killing innocent people and going for the ones no one likes. Like her.
In other news, I saw a man today wearing a livestrong bracelet and carrying a copy of the The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo. And I wanted to behead him. Is that bad? Where was your The North Face backpack? Can we talk about The Office?
“It’s over. I broke up with him,” Bristol Palin tells PEOPLE exclusively of her second try at an engagement to Levi Johnston, father of her 19-month-old son Tripp.
Palin, 19, says the relationship soured on July 14, the very same day they announced their marriage intentions to the world. Palin says he told her that evening he might have fathered a baby with another teenage girl. (Palin did not name the young woman, but a pregnant former girlfriend of Johnston’s has since publicly denied his paternity.)
Alaska’s former gubernatorial teen pregnancy advocate says that Levi was too busy rubbing his balls on the “O” in the Hollywood sign to actually care about getting married. Also, he was a lie-teller. He’s smart enough to tell a convincing lie?
“The final straw was him flying to Hollywood for what he told me was to see some hunting show but come to find out it was that music video mocking my family,” she says. “He’s just obsessed with the limelight and I got played.”
It warms the cockles of my heart that an immediate relative of a former vice-presidential candidate used the phrase “I got played” in a tearful phone call to People magazine. I’m waiting for Levi to call US and ask “what’s good, pa?”
Sarah Palin released some bullshit statement that I can’t even bother to highlight…and copy…and paste but it was blah blah blah Bristol is special and her heart will go on. As for Bristol, she wants to find “someone who has religious beliefs and a good family.” Um, HELLO! YOU HAD SOMEONE WHO HAS A GOOD FAMILY! You need to remember the hotness you HAD in your immediate area before you got on the rag!
In the suit, Jones claims he was harassed by two of his supervisors for refusing to engage in “visits to strip bars, participation in getting drunk, stoned or intoxicated on cocaine, to participate in sexual conduct at the trailer, and other dangerous conduct.”
Jones claims the supervisors would often refer to him — and other employees — as “fags, pussies, bitches, slaves, dummies, retards and idiots.”
Jones also claims one of his supervisors brought a gun to the set “several times”
Sounds like my last job. Carl also says there was knife-throwing on the set while drunk on tequila (Party! You know that Jennifer Morrison ho is good with a shank) and that his complaints to an executive producer were what got him blackballed and then fired. He says that this left him massively depressed and somehow physically injured. He is suing NBC Universal for a cool million. House’s masters are saying that the suit is “without merit.”
I always knew the dude from Dead Poets’ Society would slap me in the face with “fag!” and demand I blow some coke off a stripper’s hey nanny nanny if I ever partied with him. You know he’s got a freaky secret.
And if I may impart my view on House. I’ve watched the show a couple of times, and it’s entertaining. But if that twat with the cane started giving me sarcasm and shade when I was laying there dying? I would rise up and hit that bug-eyed slut in the face with my IV pole! Not cute.
You might have to go to the club yourself, wearing some Affliction and Ed Hardy mess, doing cartwheels while baring your vagine and pounding the ground like an ape in heat, because Season 3 of Jersey Shore has stopped filming. Bump-Its don’t come cheap, bitch! Who’s gonna put herp in the jacuzzi now? *crestfallen*
Filming of the third season of Jersey Shore has come grinding to a halt due to a strike! Snookie‘s doing some Norma Rae shit! Picture her goblin ass up on a workbench, holding a UNION sign! And then eating a pickle. TMZ says that the cast are demanding more money per episode.
The cast was supposed to begin shooting “at home” scenes today for season three, but we’re told JWoww, Ronnie, Sammi, Pauly D and Vinny — who are spread out between New York and Rhode Island — told the crews they weren’t shooting without new contracts.
The Situation and Snooki are supposed to shoot tomorrow, and we’re told Snooki plans to do the same
But wait, did you know that MTV considers jerky-bodied The Situation to be the the show’s breakout guido? They offered him some sort of secret contract to secure his Axe-smelling self in the MTV corral. Uh, hello….there’s a tiny pumpkin-faced ankle biter who is CLEARLY shining brighter than the sun in that house!
According to the proposed deal, MTV is offering Mikey a one-time bonus for the impending Season 2 in Miami, ranging from $60,000 to $180,000, depending on ratings.
Word is that one of the coverboys of New York magazine’s “Queer” issue (hee) will snatch $27,500 to $45,000 an episode for Season 4. Right now, all these bitches only make 10K. “Only.” What am I saying? Hell, pay me $100 an episode to go down to the club with a blowback and a fake bake and act gross and I’d do it. It’s open bar, right? I can get into a tube dress and do midget ninja cartwheels while men throw beer at my nethers!
The Situation hasn’t accepted this deal yet, according to TMZ.
Does this mean that when the rest of the trogs find out The Situation is clearing more cash than them, they are going to turn on each other and there’s going to be tanning grease and blood all over the duck phone? Hopefully.
On her blog, Mercede lets us (and her brother and future sister-in-law) know what’s what.
“I do wish you guys would take a little more time with this decision. I certainly do not understand why you are rushing things. Unless of course there is some reason for the hurry.”
(ed. note – this is where Mercede accuses Bristol of having a baby in her womb. Or is just calling her fat. Slick, Mercede.)
She also says that she hopes the engagement “is a sincere decision” which “will bring you happiness.”
Oh my god, does she hate that bitch, huh? There’s going to be a lot of gum-snapping and side-eyes up in that church. And I’m talking about Sarah Palin as well as Mercede. Then again, Mercede is a refined lady. She will cover that tramp stamp for the occasion, only carry a pearl-handled revolver in her clutch as opposed to the usual .45, and perhaps even wrap a napkin around her PBR at the reception. You be that example, Mercede (the “s” busted out of there when Sarah told it Russia could invade at any second across the frozen expanse and a mortally wounded Jennifer Grey would pull the pin on a live grenade to take some Russkie troops with her. WOLVERINES! It’s Sarah’s favorite movie.)
As expected, Dina Lohan acted her usual enabling stagemom “who’s gonna float me my Xanax money?” self yesterday when Lohan’s tearbombs burst as she heard she was going to do a bid and Dina heard the verdict. Here’s what Popeater says she said:
“This is so not fair to do this to my child,” a flabbergasted Dina Lohan told PopEater exclusively shortly after Judge Marsha Revel made the announcement.
Come again? Fair?!?!
Someone on Facebook mentioned that they sorta kinda felt bad for Lindsay because it’s fairly obvious this aging hag supported her ass by building the “you can do anything you want, you’re Supergirl, now sign this check for Mommy” scaffolding around her. Which made her a sociopath. Frankly, I think that as an adult, you can’t blame your shithead behavior on your parents. There is something called “responsibility.” RiRi Harvey once made me wear Chinese knock-off Nikes from Building #19 with the swish REVERSED and in GOLD LAME (they would be so hot nowadays) to school and I haven’t raped a nun, yet. Although it totally made me like boys…
But nevertheless it IS obvious that Lohan had next to no chance to even OBSERVE how a normal adult carries themselves while growing up. Not that it excuses anything. I wouldn’t excuse her from the Sarlac pit at this point, she’s so awful.
Oh, and don’t think Manic Mike Lohan didn’t show his crazy self outside the courtroom. Firstly, word is he tried to barge INTO the courtroom during the proceedings to attempt to read some sort of statement on behalf on Lindsay. Keep in mind that his entire estranged family wants nothing to do with him, and he is INSERTING himself into the center for attention. This is a grown-ass man. And check this out:
While he declined to issue a comment following the sentencing (ed. note – he must have had food in his mouth or something), his spokeswoman baffled reporters when she urged Lohan to report to rehab immediately, apparently unaware the actress must first go to jail. When corrected by an onlooker, the unidentified rep said the rehab portion of the ruling was “a great victory” for the Lohan family.
So basically, even their EMPLOYEES are crackers. Then again, this was probably some slut he met down the pub and declared her his “spokeswoman.” Right?
The BET Awards were held last night, and Chris Brown was responsible for the Michael Jackson tribute (he died a year ago around this time). They couldn’t get Usher? At least Usher didn’t punch a lady about the head and shoulders. That we know of. Sure, Usher is an annoying twat but he didn’t try to launch a album on the heels of a domestic abuse charge, either. And Usher can dance! Sorta. He does a lot of kinda sluggish popping and locking and a couple of steps, usually down stairs that light up. Seriously, shoulda gone with Usher.
Oh, and the gist of this post is that Bust-her Brown got all choked up during his tribute and couldn’t finish singing “Man in the Mirror.” I’d get weepy, too, if I had Ike Turnered my girlfriend and everyone found out about it and my career did that thing that dirgible did back in the 1800s when the announcer was screaming and it just BLEW UP and not in a good way. And then had to look in a mirror.
(Sorry, the video is such a suckjob, but BET is being hainty about the rights.)
He was so tearstricken that he reportedly had to be led off the stage by Jermaine Jackson. So the debate is on as to whether he was really touched by an angel known as MJ or staging the emotional flash flood to get the public back on his side. I am one cynical bitch, so I’m going to say he’s crying because of all the bits of green paper that are currently flying out of his windows.
To get over this farce, we need to pray over the outfit Prince wore to the show last night. It will fill you up and put you firmly on the path you need to be on. Because someone needs to wear a spaceship turtleneck with their own likeness emblazoned about it. And his name is Prince. And he is funky.
Ok, I totally don’t understand the Justin Bieber thing because he’s 3, but I do understand tween/teen fanaticism because it’s totally how I felt about (old-school) Johnny Quest when I was five. Seriously, the turtleneck…the twink haircut….I was down for it. I was crying and screaming and holding signs at our TV. Plus, the Bieberdom is starting to yield some interesting shit…notably that his parents are getting yanked into the tween idol maelstrom and we all know that never works out.
Point is – Justin’s dad has his own website, complete with plenty of topless photos. And Playboy has reportedly offered Justin’s moms 50K to show off her tatters. SCORE!