Rain, rain, DON’T go away! Seriously, it’s 20,000 fathoms under Morrissey Blvd. and I am LOVING it. It’s like someone turned my psychotic depression inside out and splashed it all over the world! And then everyone goes to their Facebooks and they’re like “WAH! I’m WET!” and I say “HA! So are all of your dreams!” And….*looks around*..uh, well someone tried to kill Paris Hilton.
What’s the first thing you do while police are subduing a dude who showed up at the door with two big knives, looking for an autograph in blood? You hop on your Twitter, obvi! Here’s what Paris had to say:
“So Scary, just got woken up to a guy trying to break into my house holding 2 big knifes,” she said. “Cops are here arresting [him].”
The Whore of Babylon noted the amateur knife salesman Nathan Lee Parada on her security cam at 6 AM when he began pounding on her windows and lit up 911. A “male friend” (that poor bastard, why?) confronted the intruder while Paris spread for attention on Twitter.
The light coming off of her nuclear herp sores has dimmed in recent years, and she has been eclipsed by other celebrity tramps such as former friend Kim Kardashian. So anything to get back in the public eye and achieve even a slight bit of relevancy even if it’s your own attempted murder. One wonders whether or not she would have still been Tweeting even as he stabbed her.
TMZ reports that sad sack Parada (seriously, who stalks Paris Hilton anymore?) was charged with felony burglary.
The DA tried to get attempted murder on there but everyone merely laughed at Ed Exley’s crusading ways and reminded him that trying to cut off Paris Hilton’s head is pretty much community service. Christ, play soccer with it. Or use it for one of those home Barbie heads that little girls and gay kids used to style back in the 70s.