Posts Tagged ‘Jersey Shore’

Snooki Got Pinched

July 30, 2010

Nana, we're leaving!

I know this doesn’t look like it, but this is a pic of Jersey Shore‘s glamorous Kewpie doll Snooki getting busted today for disorderly conduct on the beach in Seaside Heights, NH. There isn’t word on exactly what she was doing but TMZ says she was seen engaging in body shots in a bar (Cointreau judging by her coloring) and was then doing shots of…soda… out of a beer bong? What?

Snooki was so effed up that she was shooting soda. It’s time to go home for a Hot Pocket when you’re trying to get shit-faced on Coca-Cola products.

This pic kills me, though. She looks like an out of control senior citizen. The New Jersey version of Shelly Winters as Nana Mary when she appeared on Roseanne. JWoww better change her diaper before they close the cell door otherwise the other prisoners are gonna go on a hunger strike and start setting fires in their cells to be let out.

That’s The Situation. Hee.

July 23, 2010

That’s The Situation in back, making me hot for turtlenecks. I wanna get up in yo turtleneck, baby. Your brothers’ turtlenecks, too. Can I try that on? I don’t know if my big melon will fit through it, but your family’s individual eyebrows situations did. Get that Dakota Fanning from Jersey looking-broad outta here, she’s killing the mood.

Jersey’s Finest Want To Get Paid (More)

July 19, 2010

If there isn't a Season 3, I will kill myself by swallowing vast quantities of Axe combination bodyspray/roofie pheromone.

You might have to go to the club yourself, wearing some Affliction and Ed Hardy mess, doing cartwheels while baring your vagine and pounding the ground like an ape in heat, because Season 3 of Jersey Shore has stopped filming. Bump-Its don’t come cheap, bitch! Who’s gonna put herp in the jacuzzi now? *crestfallen*

Filming of the third season of Jersey Shore has come grinding to a halt due to a strike! Snookie‘s doing some Norma Rae shit! Picture her goblin ass up on a workbench, holding a UNION sign! And then eating a pickle. TMZ says that the cast are demanding more money per episode.

The cast was supposed to begin shooting “at home” scenes today for season three, but we’re told JWoww, Ronnie, Sammi, Pauly D and Vinny — who are spread out between New York and Rhode Island — told the crews they weren’t shooting without new contracts.

The Situation and Snooki are supposed to shoot tomorrow, and we’re told Snooki plans to do the same

But wait, did you know that MTV considers jerky-bodied The Situation to be the the show’s breakout guido? They offered him some sort of secret contract to secure his Axe-smelling self in the MTV corral. Uh, hello….there’s a tiny pumpkin-faced ankle biter who is CLEARLY shining brighter than the sun in that house!

According to the proposed deal, MTV is offering Mikey a one-time bonus for the impending Season 2 in Miami, ranging from $60,000 to $180,000, depending on ratings.

Word is that one of the coverboys of New York magazine’s “Queer” issue (hee) will snatch $27,500 to $45,000 an episode for Season 4. Right now, all these bitches only make 10K. “Only.” What am I saying? Hell, pay me $100 an episode to go down to the club with a blowback and a fake bake and act gross and I’d do it. It’s open bar, right? I can get into a tube dress and do midget ninja cartwheels while men throw beer at my nethers!

The Situation hasn’t accepted this deal yet, according to TMZ.

Does this mean that when the rest of the trogs find out The Situation is clearing more cash than them, they are going to turn on each other and there’s going to be tanning grease and blood all over the duck phone? Hopefully.

You ARE Beautiful Enough To Do What You Want, Snooki.

June 21, 2010
I'd duck.

I'd duck.

Radar is getting ALL the good shit lately. So you probably know the gnome depicted above, she’s Snooki from Jersey Shore! She’s the one who sucks pickles, gets punched in the face by steroid insane drunk dudes, and totally got burned by Tim Burton when she wasn’t cast in this role. Seriously, is her last name Roy?

Word is that Snookie got her Bump-It in a twist at SL in NYC on Wednesday night, threw a drink at the bouncer, and then uttered this gem. This sparkly, sparkly, bauble of awesome.

“I’m a f**king star, beautiful enough to do what I want!”

Jesus, that did me right. This is so the line I’m using next time at the ATM, the barroom, my dry cleaners, or at your local grocer. I need to ask RiRi Harvey if I was using this line at age six out on the playground when some dolt cut in line for the slide. Picture a sassy little large-headed munchkin with his hand on his hip interrupting Four Square with THAT pronouncement.

Anyway, Snookie was scuba diving to the bottom of her drink when she said that and tossed it in the bouncer’s mug for no reason. The best part? Bitches started cracking up at Deep Roy Snooki.

“Everyone just sort of looked at her in shock but then started laughing, including the bouncer!”

She’s so hilarious that they probably let her garden gnome ass keep drinking so she would impart more gems of wisdom on the crowd. Team Snooki over here. How do I get what she said on a vanity plate?

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