Posts Tagged ‘Robert Pattinson’

This Was An Actual Conversation.

June 25, 2010

You can probably guess that I used this pic because Miley is dressed like Jesus Christ playing guitar in a field.

You can probably guess that I used this pic because Miley is dressed like Jesus Christ playing guitar in a field.

So this week was kinda full of running around and sweating a lot (“Africa hot” – seriously, I am so grody that I sweat through my Ponang chair from IKEA yesterday. This is not a joke, this not a hoax. Fuck summer.) and dropping the blogging ball so I hopped on Google reader and found this gem. Miley Cyrus doesn’t like vampires. And E! NEEDED to let the cast of Twilight know at the premiere of Eclipse last night in LA. More importantly, did the Twihard Tent City people hear this and try to track Miley’s fauxmosexual ass down? Who knew they could hate someone more than Bella?

R.Pattz says he has a simple idea to get the “Can’t Be Tamed” singer to come over to the fang side. He laughed, “It’s so obvious—just watch Eclipse.”

Musclehead (ed. note – that’s funny that he gets that description, someone at E! wants out) Lautner doesn’t care if Cyrus is hating on vamps. “She doesn’t need to like vampires,” he said. “As long as she likes werewolves, we’re cool.”

Stewart was a bit surprised to hear Cyrus dislikes our favorite creatures of the night . “She does?” Stewart asked wide-eyed when we broke the sad news to her. “Is she scared of them or does she just not like them?”

Ok, I need to break this up now. Because I am stupider for having read that, let alone copied, pasted, bolded and italicized it. I have probably pained my two readers who have read this far. You have my apologies. I am truly sorry. We are all dumber for me having done this. I am gaping at how vapid and horrible the celebrity machine is. Oh, but one more tidbit. Kristen Stewart couldn’t resist interjecting herself into Miley’s place. She is a grouchy palomino who will not be tamed!

Whatever the reason, Stewart said, “I don’t think you should convince people of something if they already have their way of thinking about. Whatever—if she hates vampires, that’s cool.”

I don’t know what’s worse. Miley Cyrus hating vampires and the reaction of FAKE VAMPIRES to it is a news story or that none of these people (including the person who wrote this story and myself) have been hired as suicide bombers.

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Twihards Have No Problem Getting Stank In The Hopes Of Meeting Their Vampire Fantasy Lover

June 22, 2010
I can't even imagine what this tent city smells like. Hysterical tears, patchouli and rotted Manic Panic.

I can't even imagine what this tent city smells like. Hysterical tears, patchouli and rotted Manic Panic.

So the next chapter in the Twilight…you aren’t really wanting me to type “saga” are you…just kick me in the nuts, then…premieres in LA on Thursday. It is now 10:22 pm Eastern time on Tuesday. Guess who’s camping out down at LA’s LA Live complex with cardboard cutouts of Robert Pattinson, tearful declarations that they would have his baby if only he would look at them and SEE THEIR EXTREME LOVE, and shitty panties (there is no way Ashley is getting out of line to use the bathroom at the taco place on the corner because he might show up and look at Jenn instead and Ashley got Robert’s face tattooed on her upper lip because he is vampire majesty who stalks her dreams and she will run Jenn over with her parent’s Honda Element if Robert ever dared look at Jenn and not her)? Yeah, Twihards. (more…)