Posts Tagged ‘Twilight’

This Was An Actual Conversation.

June 25, 2010

You can probably guess that I used this pic because Miley is dressed like Jesus Christ playing guitar in a field.

You can probably guess that I used this pic because Miley is dressed like Jesus Christ playing guitar in a field.

So this week was kinda full of running around and sweating a lot (“Africa hot” – seriously, I am so grody that I sweat through my Ponang chair from IKEA yesterday. This is not a joke, this not a hoax. Fuck summer.) and dropping the blogging ball so I hopped on Google reader and found this gem. Miley Cyrus doesn’t like vampires. And E! NEEDED to let the cast of Twilight know at the premiere of Eclipse last night in LA. More importantly, did the Twihard Tent City people hear this and try to track Miley’s fauxmosexual ass down? Who knew they could hate someone more than Bella?

R.Pattz says he has a simple idea to get the “Can’t Be Tamed” singer to come over to the fang side. He laughed, “It’s so obvious—just watch Eclipse.”

Musclehead (ed. note – that’s funny that he gets that description, someone at E! wants out) Lautner doesn’t care if Cyrus is hating on vamps. “She doesn’t need to like vampires,” he said. “As long as she likes werewolves, we’re cool.”

Stewart was a bit surprised to hear Cyrus dislikes our favorite creatures of the night . “She does?” Stewart asked wide-eyed when we broke the sad news to her. “Is she scared of them or does she just not like them?”

Ok, I need to break this up now. Because I am stupider for having read that, let alone copied, pasted, bolded and italicized it. I have probably pained my two readers who have read this far. You have my apologies. I am truly sorry. We are all dumber for me having done this. I am gaping at how vapid and horrible the celebrity machine is. Oh, but one more tidbit. Kristen Stewart couldn’t resist interjecting herself into Miley’s place. She is a grouchy palomino who will not be tamed!

Whatever the reason, Stewart said, “I don’t think you should convince people of something if they already have their way of thinking about. Whatever—if she hates vampires, that’s cool.”

I don’t know what’s worse. Miley Cyrus hating vampires and the reaction of FAKE VAMPIRES to it is a news story or that none of these people (including the person who wrote this story and myself) have been hired as suicide bombers.

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Twihards Have No Problem Getting Stank In The Hopes Of Meeting Their Vampire Fantasy Lover

June 22, 2010
I can't even imagine what this tent city smells like. Hysterical tears, patchouli and rotted Manic Panic.

I can't even imagine what this tent city smells like. Hysterical tears, patchouli and rotted Manic Panic.

So the next chapter in the Twilight…you aren’t really wanting me to type “saga” are you…just kick me in the nuts, then…premieres in LA on Thursday. It is now 10:22 pm Eastern time on Tuesday. Guess who’s camping out down at LA’s LA Live complex with cardboard cutouts of Robert Pattinson, tearful declarations that they would have his baby if only he would look at them and SEE THEIR EXTREME LOVE, and shitty panties (there is no way Ashley is getting out of line to use the bathroom at the taco place on the corner because he might show up and look at Jenn instead and Ashley got Robert’s face tattooed on her upper lip because he is vampire majesty who stalks her dreams and she will run Jenn over with her parent’s Honda Element if Robert ever dared look at Jenn and not her)? Yeah, Twihards. (more…)

Kristen Stewart Is Such A Surly, Complainy Little Bitch That Even The Things That She Says That Aren’t Surly And Bitchy Come Out Surly And Bitchy

June 1, 2010
Oh, the bitter taste of fame. And wealth. And general good fortune. Shut up.

Oh, the bitter taste of fame. And wealth. And general good fortune. Shut up.

What is it with this one? Remember at the Oscars when she was like coughing and looking like she wanted to be anywhere else in the world and every bitch across America was like “Then don’t be there, ho!” Every move this one makes is just fraught with grouch. Fuck, Kristen Stewart. If it’s that difficult for you being rich and famous, quit and move to wherever the hell Shelly Duvall hangs out now. Open a fucking pie shop and get laid in the back of an RV and have some crib midgets and save us from your stank.

As for my headline, case in point. Popsugar has some quotes from Kristen’s interview from Elle UK in which she talks about that shitty vampire series of movies (seriously, I still laugh when I think about the part of the trailer for the last one when she’s like in the Vatican and running through a fountain screaming and I’m like..really? Can Sookie, Bill, Tara, Angel, Buffy, and Spike kill this bitch soon? Please. Still haven’t seen either of these bullshit movies…). And you can just hear the mewling and mumbling in these quotes, and the eye rolling, and finger sucking. Hey Bella, fuck you. There’s about 13 jillion little actress types who would be grateful for the work. God, can she just have Renessme (isn’t that the name of the baby? Iesus! Spoiler.) and finish this once and for fucking all?

On her relationship with Robert: “People always ask me if I’m dating Robert. It’s beyond annoying . . . What I say is, that, why would I want anything that’s private to become entertainment for other people? This is what I wanted to show you on here. People say that if I just tell them everything I’ll be left alone, but God, you think if I tell people they’ll leave me alone? They pick up every little scrap, and that’s much worse.”

Hi, I can barely afford rent. And I eat pasta by necessity every once in awhile. Shut your whore mouth. Give me your job and I will give scraps til’ people don’t want my scraps no more. You are a CELEBRITY. When this shit is over, you will be crying for it back.

And here’s one in which she kinda sounds happy about Twilight’s success but then kinda shits on it. Read it and see if you feel the same way:

On Twilight growing into a series: “We never thought it was going to be so huge; we never thought we’d do a second, a third. I’m quite nervous about the third one, actually. It’s such a privilege to be able to play a role for so long. Also, it’s such a product now; it didn’t start out as a product. I read the first book and thought, ‘Wow, this is a page turner.’ There was something in the script — the energy. It’s raw desire, that’s what that book is. Which is why it’s weird that little kids read it. I’m like, ‘What are you thinking about when you’re reading it?’ I thought that it was going to be a really simple, overly dramatic — which was what was attractive about it — rotten love story. When they cast me it wasn’t like, ‘Omigod, I got this huge movie’; it was like, ‘OK, I got this film.’ You have to rev up to it.”

Like when she denounced it as product. I mean, she’s RIGHT and everything. But it’s the PRODUCT that’s keeping her in weed and not having to ride the subway with the rest of us savages. So celebrate that product.

Anyway, she sucks. Although there is a bit where she refers to her upbringing as positive and says that it’s the reason why she’s not as “off the rails” as Lohan. That was hot. She’s still in the red with me, but anything that might get Lindsay to try and set Bella’s lawn on fire and then get Tasered over it is at least trying with me.

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